23/3/09

What should i say?Today was a totally mess.
Dad suggested me yesterday to depart from home to the college at 7.30,
but i refused to,because i think that it will not take so long to reach the college.
Eventually,the solution was to depart at 7.45..

This morning,mom fetch me to college,we departed at 8.00.I reached the college at 9.00.
The fisrt day of my college,i shouted, i quarrelled, i cried,i went through a though time.
The details? I'm sorry i dont have the strengh to recall & write it out all over again..
I was too angry & fustrated, i took all the money with mom & left the car, i wanted to bang the door of
the car as i leave but there were many people at the foyer.. i headed to my class with red eyes, tears flowing
out of my eyes..
I went into the toilet as my eyes were still very red although i stopped crying..
I was late to class by 30 minutes & i just walked into my class with...

The mom actually got into my class to call me out,& this was not the worst..
She ask me where is her RM100.I dint stole it, i took it..
She immediately told Ms Ida what happened..Its was astonishing that mom actually feel hurt
for what i did. All this while, she is a stone hearted person to me.
Anyway..lastly, she opened the door of my classroom, & started to scold me, insult me
in front of my classmate..

I felt nothing. Not even angry, & obviously not sad and ashamed for her deeds as I'm not weak mentally
at that particular moment. I actually 'acted' to be calmed as if nothing where happening.
(The inverted comma indicates that i dint act.I was really calm..)

I watched her. I was not afraid to face her as it seems that it was my fault if i was afraid.
Transport problem was always the core of the argument, quarrelling & violence in my
lovely family.. of course i dont wish to..

And i would say that these problem would not be problems if & only if they have foreseen & anticipated
what will happen & have done something on it..

1.30-3.30pm
Shiau Shuang called me at 1.30pm sharp when the law lecturer was still teaching.
I answered her phone call& told her that i'll call her back.
We met at the foyer& had lunch together.